Mommy-hood

Being a new Mommy is exciting, wonderful, and emotionally overwhelming all at the same time. Each day I groggily wake up, make my way to the living room (hubby has early morning duty thanks to early World Cup games... thank you FIFA) and I can't believe it - we have a son, a beautiful son. We are a new family. It's real. It's happening. The wait is over. Baby Ezra is home, and we love him.

Ezra is thriving. He's a strong boy. At 2.5 weeks he can already lift his head, hold it up, and move it from side to side. He has gained a pound since birth, and eats around the clock. Small signs of a personality are already beginning to show as well - he's very expressive and pretty relaxed, but is also determined and knows what he wants.

The more I fall in love with Ezra, the more I know our experience with M at the hospital is something I will never forget. I think about it often. I just can't imagine what it would have been like had we chosen anything other than an open adoption, or had we not had the opportunity to spend such a meaningful time with Ezra and his birth family during such a crucial moment. Our time at the hospital could not have gone smoother, and we are just so grateful to have had such a positive experience. We certainly hope that the depth of those moments together (many captured on film of course) will be evident to Ezra when he looks back in years to come.

Spending time with M was a curious experience - one that I couldn't have really imagined or understood until it happened. I immediately loved her - not just because she chose us to parent Ezra or because she was trusting us with her son; but also because of her own love for Ezra, her strength, courage and determined spirit. We talked, we learned about each other, and we named our baby boy together.

My love and respect deepened for M even further when it was time to leave the hospital and take Ezra home. It's one of those feelings that perhaps needs its own name since it's so difficult to explain and no other words would do it justice.. I was so excited that we were finally taking Ezra home, and yet my heart ached for the separation that was about to take place. M was confident and gracious. She carried Ezra out of the hospital, helped me buckle him into his car seat, and they said their good-byes. We hugged and told her we'd call when we got home. Then I climbed into the drivers seat, turned on the engine and just cried.

(Thankfully, once we left the hospital parking lot we decided to pull over at a Starbucks where I could gather myself a bit before the 2 hour drive home).

Becoming a mother through adoption has allowed me to gain many insights I don't believe I would have gained any other way. Each day with Ezra is a new blessing, brings about new challenges, and allows me to learn more about myself, God, and the world in which we live. I guess that is what mommy-hood is all about. x

My hubby caught this moment of us during our afternoon nap last week (and yes, we are really sleeping).