Still Waiting

Waiting, waiting. I look at my little Lilypie ticker on the right of the page, and it states so far we've been on our adoption journey for exactly 5 mos, 1 wk and 4 days... officially "waiting" for 1 month and 3 weeks.

1 month and 3 weeks... somehow, it seems like each day has moved really slowly, while at the same time all together quickly... it doesn't make logical sense, but somehow it's true. Some days it feels like I'm going absolutely crazy with anticipation (not to mention impatience), and other days it doesn't seem "so bad" - though the moment I start thinking about it, fears about it "never" happening begin to creep in and I have to push them away and keep moving. The 3-6 months "average" time frame presented at the beginning of the adoption process doesn't seem so bad until you're actually living it.

Working on our owl inspired nursery every now and then has been one way of keeping myself occupied and hopeful outside of work. Mom and I have gone on a couple trips to local fabric/craft shops to seek out owl fabrics and fun patterns for some homemade projects (boppy pillow cover, shopping cart cover, diaper caddy to name a few...). Of course, I also have my eye on a couple super cute things on Etsy.

In the meantime we continue to wait as patiently as we can with hopes that we will have something more to report soon! x

Dollars + Cents

It's the question lots want to ask but perhaps it's just too nosy or awkward. "Exactly how much does adoption cost?"... and quite possibly, "How are you guys affording this?" It's no secret that Genilson and I are not incredibly wealthy. Doing ministry or working for a small non-profit isn't exactly something you do for the money.

The expenses of adoption are complicated. It's illegal to buy a human being for any reason (she says, the director of an anti-human trafficking organization), including for adoption. At the same time, however, there are expenses that go along with what's involved in the adoption process: the home study, criminal background checks, adoption education, travel, legal fees, facilitation services, administrative expenses, health care expenses (for the baby and birth mother), and the list goes on and on... not to mention that once your baby arrives you have the same expenses any new parents would have!

The numbers vary according to who you ask, but adoption expenses in the United States vary from $0 (Fost-Adopt) to $20,000 (average for private agency adoption), to over $40,000 (usually independent adoption). For the breakdown of one survey, look here.

When deciding on what adoption agency we were going to work with, the expenses were confusing. Some agencies charged over $20,000 for their services alone (not including travel, legal, etc.) while others charged under $10,000.

Our choice to go with Pact had to do with several factors, but one major determining factor was its sliding fee scale, based on the adoptive parents' income. We knew we wanted an agency that approached the financial issue with integrity, and with the guarantee that money was not their motive for arranging adoptions, the sole determining factor in "how fast" a baby would come, or the "kind" of baby we were going to get (yes, that happens).

The good news about adoption expenses is the IRS offers an adoption tax credit of up to about $12,500. Frankly, without this credit, I'm not sure we could afford any of this. There are also several adoption grants, usually based on need, that adoptive parents can apply for if they need additional financial assistance. We decided to apply for three grants that seemed promising for our particular situation.

So... in conclusion, yes, adoption is pretty pricey. Our adoption will probably be between $13,000 and $18,000. But there's hope, it's doable, and we believe it all to be worth it. x

Beautiful Feet

Got these during our last visit to Cambodia... so cute, so small. x

Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

"White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack" was one of the most interesting articles I ran across about white privilege while working on my degree at WSU... McIntosh really gives good perspective on the white privilege many of us take for granted.

This is something Genilson and I will continuously need to keep in mind while raising a child of a race different from our own (in fact it happens to be one of the articles Pact first supplied us with when we began the transracial adoption process) ... it's also a good reminder to those who may believe that racism is "dead".

The author, who is a Caucasian American, opens with a statement I that could apply to many Americans of this generation. "I was taught to see racism only in individual acts of meanness, not in invisible systems conferring dominance in my group."

She goes on...
Whites are taught to think of their lives as morally neutral, normative, and average, and also ideal, so that when we work to benefit others, this is seen as work that will allow "them" to be more like "us"... As far as I can tell, my African American coworkers, friends, and acquaintances with whom I come into daily or frequent contact... cannot count on most of these conditions:

1. I can, if I wish, arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
2. I can avoid spending time with people whom I was trained to mistrust and who have learned to mistrust me.
3. If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.
4. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.
5. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.
6. When told about our national heritage or "civilization," I am shown that people of own color made it what it is.
7. I can arrange to protect my children most of the time from people who might not like them.
8. I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race.
9. I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.
10. I can easily buy posters, post-cards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys and children's magazines featuring people of my race.
11. I can choose public accommodation without fearing that people of my race cannot get in or will be mistreated in the places I have chosen.
12. I can worry about racism without being seen as self-interested or self-seeking.
    
13. I can use blemish cover or bandages in "flesh" color and have them more or less match my skin.
14. If I have low credibility as a leader I can be sure that my race is not the problem.
    
15. I feel welcomed and "normal" in the usual walks of public life, institutional and social.

{This is only part of the essay... The actual essay lists 50 conditions, whereas I've only listed 15. You can download the entire essay here}

As the future adoptive parent of a child of color this reality scares, overwhelms, and frustrates me. I believe we're going to get through it as a family, but it's going to be a challenge.

Should "white" people feel ashamed of their "whiteness" then? I don't think so. However, I do think it's important that we acknowledge racism as a reality throughout American society, and do what we can to change it, at the very least in our own attitudes.

A lot to think about. x