{120}

One hundred twenty days since we started to wait... sometimes it feels "the call" will never come, other days I tell myself it hasn't been that long. Waiting is one of those things that's all relative, but it's difficult no matter what... no matter how "short" or how "long"... it doesn't matter because when patience is required, an hour can seem just as long as a week, month, year.

It's tempting at times to want to "jump in" and "do something about it" - as if I could just do some Google searches, make some calls, gain control of the situation and "make" something happen. Sign on with more agencies? Pay more agencies to search? Pay higher fees? (As if we have more money to spend... ha). But deep down I know throwing money at it won't give me anymore control anyway. How can it? This isn't a "thing" we can (or should) just "pay for". That's not what we want. We are confident we are with the right agency. We are confident God knows what he is doing. {We just need to wait, trust God, and accept it's out of our control.}

I've scoured the Internet, chat groups, adoption sites, etc. seeking "answers" on how to wait... how to manage my impatience... how not to lose hope. Unfortunately, there aren't really any secret answers out there - only what I already know in my gut. {We just have to wait, trust God, and accept it's out of our control.}

Sometimes I read other adoption blogs. I like to gain perspective by reading posts before and then after an adoptive family is matched. The before post usually goes a lot like this one: patience is difficult, and "when is it ever going to happen??!?" But then there's the after post... when a child joins their new forever family... and it's clear all the waiting was totally, 100% worth it.

One day... hopefully one day soon, I hope to look back at this post, smile, and truly understand how much all this waiting was worth it. It's difficult to imagine today, but it will happen. {We just need to wait, trust God and accept it's out of our control.} x