Building Culture Across Community

Wednesday was our first "Building Culture Across Community" (BCAC) meeting with Beth at Pact. These sessions are designed for adoptive couples who plan to (or are open to) adopting an infant of a race different from their own. Because Pact is focused on placing children of color, they have lots of experience working with transracial families ("transracial" = families with members of multiple races), so they are a great resource when it comes to knowing what to expect, and how to eventually help your child connect to their personal racial heritage. The meeting great! We really enjoyed ourselves.

Regardless of what many of us have been led to believe, race does matter. It certainly doesn't "matter" in the sense that we should love one race more than the other, see people only by the color of their skin, or make judgments about someone because they are "black" or "brown" - but it does matter in the sense that race is real, and shouldn't be ignored completely, as if skin color differences didn't exist, racism didn't exist, and/or as if we all didn't come from a specific racial and cultural heritage. Ignoring race doesn't make race or racism go away.

But isn't love "colorblind"? It certainly should be. However, this kind of stance by itself ignores the complex reality that institutionalized, societal and internalized racism are real issues that face people of color around the world. Not only do visible differences between parents and children increase challenges to their acceptance by society as a family unit, when adoptive parents raise child of a race different from their own, it's important they come prepared for the fact that their child is going to not only notice that their skin is a different color (probably at a very young age), but that their experience in life - as citizen of a stratified, deep-seeded racist society - is going to have challenges different from their own. This means that the development of a positive racial identity needs to be addressed, and parents must be prepared.

Here's what one transracial adoptee said: (taken from "Inside Transracial Adoption" by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg)

"My parents believed that a loving family 'makes' the child. I disagree. Colorblindness is a luxury black children can't afford. Love does not prepare an African American child for the society we live in. And love does not replace the importance of knowing your ethnicity and culture. Today, I say I am African American" (page 31).

So what does all this mean in our situation? Thankfully, we have had a great deal of experience working with - and loving - diverse communities of people. We are very aware of the fact that racism still exists, and are going to prepare ourselves as much as possible to help our child strategize on ways to be resilient when faced with racist attitudes, etc. In addition, Pact has suggested we prepare by reaching out and building more relationships with people of color. Whether we begin visiting a local African American church, or start frequenting local Hispanic cultural events, etc. doing these things will provide opportunities to build relationships with people who can eventually serve as role models to our adopted child. Awkward? Perhaps. But Pact has assured us that usually, when approached with the right attitude, people tend to be honored and happy to help us learn more about their community.

Thanks for reading. :)