Time to Wait

It's that time. The home study is done, the family profile complete. We're officially in the waiting room, waiting to be chosen by a birth family.

The last time around, the 'waiting room' was undoubtedly the most challenging part of the process. We were incredibly anxious. In fact, I distinctly remember the day our wait began. We hung up the phone with Pact and held our breath... maybe 'the call' would come right away?! The wait seemed like forever (in reality it was 6 months, which is actually pretty good). 

We are of course extremely excited about this second adoption, but the anticipation is a bit different this time around. Not sure if this is because we are focused on parenting Ezra (who can be quite the handful) as opposed to anticipating what parenting might be like; or perhaps because we know a bit more of what to expect. The 'call' could happen in a matter of weeks, but this is not something we really anticipate happening. Much more likely will be a wait of at least a couple of months. It could be a year or more.

Because Pact does not typically work with families living overseas, it will be interesting to see how birth families respond to the idea that we live in Cambodia. Some may see it as exotic, others may see it as weird.

As of this moment, I feel prepared to wait. But then again, let's see how I feel in a couple of months. I'll keep you posted.

AdopTalk

Last Saturday we got up early, hopped in the car, picked up my mom and were off to Oakland for another Pact seminar... this one called "AdopTalk"... focused on talking through and helping your child(ren) process their adoption experience, preparing for questions they have about their adoption, helping them develop a positive sense of self as an adopted person, and basically just hashing through parental concerns about "saying the right thing" (if such a thing exists).

As always, Pact was great. The seminar was helpful, thought provoking, and allowed us the opportunity to understand the experiences of adoptive families already in progress. It had been a while since our last seminar, so it was also a good way to reconnect with Pact and feel reassured our adoption will indeed happen... we just have to continue practicing patience. Bringing my mom along was an extra blessing because it gave her the opportunity to meet Beth, become more familiar with Pact, and perhaps get some of her own questions answered too.

On the "waiting" front... After much careful and prayerful consideration, Genilson and I have decided to get our family profile out there a bit more and extend our adoptive circle to include an organization called Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC). This means that we will continue to work with Pact and will work with CAC at the same time (working with more than organization is actually more common in adoption than you might think).

We really think this extension will not only help get us "out there" a bit more, but actually allows us the best of both worlds as we process all that's happening.

Tracie at CAC is proving to be very committed to helping us through the adoption process as smoothly as possible, according to budget (which is of course, a must) and has lots of contacts within the Christian community of adoption, which we haven't had as much access to up to this point. So far, we have been very impressed.

As everyone knows (since I talk about it all the time), Pact is fantastic and has been a tremendous help to us in adoption education, networking, and we know they will continue to be of immeasurable help as we continue through the adoption process, through placement, and even thereafter (they are a great continued support to their adoptive families even post-placement). Pact has an extensive network with the general adoption community, especially those who have developed solid reputations over a long history of interaction with them, are committed to best practices, and supporting all members of the adoption triad.

Both organizations fit us in different ways, both organizations are committed to us, and both organizations feel they can help us as we continue to pursue our adoption plan. Who could want more?

In the meantime, we will continue to wait ...with God's help and as patiently as possible. x

Romans 8:25

The waiting room of adoption consists of a lot less "doing" and a lot more faith. Faith in adoption professionals. Faith in the system. And of course, faith in God's goodness and perfect timing.

Faith can be difficult, even for the most seasoned of believers. I know it is for me. Many of us are just so control-obsessed. We want to control, or at least pretend to control, practically everything in our lives. Relinquishing control and having to depend on faith alone often makes us antsy and uncomfortable. Of course, the two of us have had to maintain faith in God in other areas of our lives - in our marriage, at work, for financial support, for ministry direction, etc. But this is a different area of our lives, and we know it's only the beginning of the patience and faith we will have to learn as parents.

Since officially entering the waiting room - only 10 days ago - I feel we've been walking around in a kind of a daze. We certainly have lots of responsibilities, lots to do. Work, house projects, errands, bills to pay. We have friends, family. But regardless of what my hands are doing, what my brain is thinking, or what my lips are saying, at least 10% of my mind (maybe more) is aware of the fact that our lives are about to change, causing me to wonder when it's all going to happen, where our baby is at that very moment, and whether anyone is currently considering us as parents for their child.

It's difficult. It's difficult because I want things to happen now. I want to know. I want to open my heart and believe that all of this is actually going to happen. I want parenthood to stop being a romantic dream, and for it to become reality in front of my very eyes.

But this isn't where the difficulty ends. It only complicates more when I realize that I need, I want to allow God to maintain control over this situation - not me. I don't know best. God knows better. I don't just want any baby, I want to be chosen by birth parents whose baby is a right match for us. And because God knows this baby intimately already, I want to trust His timing more than my own.

So there it is. The difficult balance of waiting and faith. It's overwhelming, it's exhausting, it's challenging. It's only the beginning. But it's part of the ride, and we know it's worth it. x

The Waiting Room

Well, the wait is here... officially (though I guess we've been "waiting" in some capacity all along).

This morning we had our final "preliminary chat" with Beth over at Pact... basically the last conversation before the official "wait" was to begin.

It was exciting and intimidating all at the same time when the call was coming to a close and Beth told us we are now officially "out there" ... waiting for a potential match. The wait could be a day, a month, or several months, maybe even a year. Regardless of how long, we are officially "waiting"... waiting to be found... waiting for the "call"... waiting to be matched... waiting to be parents... and bringing our baby home is just around the corner.

So how does it all work? Our profile (see last post), which has been translated into English and Spanish, has been sent over to Pact who will present it to expectant parents looking into adoption. When expectant parents choose us as their first choice, Pact will give us a call, present information on the birth family, and give us some time to think it over. If we feel it's a good match for us, Pact will help us connect with the expectant parents (whether by phone, or with a visit if they are close by, etc.). Sometimes, we might get a call about a baby that is due within 24 hours, or has already been born.

From there, the process could follow several different journeys depending on the particular situation of the birth parents, their location, and how far along they are in their pregnancy. So more on that when it actually happens.

It's all very exciting. It's one step closer... a very significant step closer. We are thrilled, nervous and overwhelmed all at the same time. The waiting period could very well last a long time (or at least what feels to be a very long time), so it's a challenge to balance being excited with knowing we will need to have patience... but it's a challenge we're excited to be facing. Keep us in your prayers as we wait!

Yay!
Thanks for following.

Profile... Step 2

Here's a taste of our profile (or "Dear Birthmother letter") in all it's glory. We've finally put on the final touches, have received all our feedback from Pact, and the next step is sending it to print.










{BTW, I realize these screenshots are unreadable, I've done that for privacy's sake. Just wanted everyone to get the general "feel" for what it looks like}

Next week we will sit down with Pact one last time before they begin sending our profile to potential birth parents. The "wait" is almost here...

Thanks for following.

3 Home Study Visits... Check

That's right! Monday evening was our third and final home study visit with our social worker, R. Our visits have been really great. We've enjoyed getting to know R and telling her about our "story" (after all, who doesn't enjoy talking about themselves?), and it's also been a good opportunity to think about and discuss some of the "tough" questions (such as whether we are "open" to a baby that was exposed to drugs or alcohol during the mother's pregnancy, and what kind of "parenting techniques" we are planning on using, etc).

I have to say the entire process has been rather enlightening, and not at all what I had expected. I originally thought the visits would be somewhat awkward and stressful, especially the "walk through" inspection of the house. I also thought we would constantly feel we were "on display" having to almost "convince" the agency that we were "fit" to be parents. But it wasn't like that at all. Instead, it was just like telling a new friend a bit about where growing up, our marriage, hopes and dreams, and whatever else happened to come up. If anything, it felt like therapy - in a good way, like processing where you come from and why you are the way you are. The "walk through" is really just to check that your home is safe, not perfect. The only difference is really that there is a report (not as scary as it sounds) at the end that outlines our lives, and that the agency is in agreement that adoption is a good plan for us (also not as scary as it sounds).

So, anyway, all that to say, the process was great. We're only glad it's "over" in the sense that it means we are one step closer to baby. (!!)

With the visits now under our belts, R will work on putting together a home study report on all of the information she gathered during the visit. A draft will be sent to us to ensure all of the information is correct, we will sign and return it, and then a final copy will be sent to Pact (and eventually the state). I was expecting the whole home study process would take some time, but so far it's been actually going pretty quickly.

We're also working on getting our final draft together of the profile... hope to have some screenshots up over the next week or so.

Thanks for reading, and Merry Christmas!

A Profile of Us

We've been putting it off for a while... the very thought of having to write a small "profile" of ourselves (sometimes known as a "Dear Birthmother" letter) that will be shown to expectant parents who may consider us to be the parents of their baby is a BIT overwhelming. It's a balance between wanting to present yourself like the wonderful parent you know you're going to be, but also keeping in mind that you don't want to come across too "perfect" because after all, nobody's perfect, and you want to come across as "real" and down-to-earth as well. It's also difficult to know what aspects of your life the reader will be interested in - family, work, home, beliefs, parenting style (complicated, since we're not yet parents), and of course, in our situation there's always the need to explain our international lifestyle, and what this will mean for our children. Whew...

But we did it, and our rough draft has been sent off to Pact. Now we just wait for feedback, throw in some pictures, and that should be it (actually a bit more complicated since I know it will take us forever to decide which pictures we want to show).

So far, the process has seemed quick at times and slow at other times. I guess it kind of depends on our "mood" and attitude on that particular day. One day it's like "wow, I can't believe how fast this is going" and other days we just want our baby to be in our arms - especially since it's the holidays I think.

Overall though it does feel like the process is going relatively quickly. We've been pretty impressed with Pact and ADOPT. Just one home visit to go (and this one will have the official "inspection"), and a finalized profile and wa-lah we will start being presented to potential birth parents.

We're hoping this "wa-lah" moment will happen in early January... we'll see. :)

Thanks for reading and praying.