Adoption Day

Today marks 1 year since Ezra's adoption was finalized in court. To celebrate, we gathered with close friends for dinner and cake.

The invite

A special cake... Made by our friends at Bloom

So happy about his party, hasn't even noticed his friends smooching in the corner!

With our lovely nanny

Friends

With Mama

Home study, take 2

Just came upstairs from finishing our first home study visit for adoption number two.

It's funny how things are so different the second time around. So much less intimidating. It brings me back to our first home study experience two years ago.

Here's a glimpse if you missed it:

Genilson chuckled at me as I paced the house about 30 minutes before our social worker arrived - setting the tea out, changing my hair, asking him to change his shirt (ok, perhaps he didn't chuckle at that one)... cleaning the toilet... and then low and behold, our social worker arrives. I offer tea, coffee, muffins?... and she politely declines saying it's sweet, but not necessary. Two hours go by, and she doesn't use the bathroom either (Did I really think she'd be impressed by my super clean sink and extra hand towels anyway?). (Blessed to Adopt, 26 Nov. 2009)

Ha. Clearly, we had no idea what to expect. I distinctly remember taking up almost the entire day preparing for that first visit. As excited and anxious first time parents, the adoption and home study process consumed us.

This time around is a bit different. Obviously we now have Ezra, and we are in Cambodia living in a different house. We may have a different social worker, but we know that the home study process is not about appearances or how perfectly clean your house is. With our agency it's been much more about working together to assess our preparedness to care for a new child in our home than about a "test" to see whether we are "fit" for parenthood. How do you feel about the adoption? What are your hopes and dreams for the future? How has parenting differed from what you originally expected? What kind of life do you imagine for your family 5, 10 years from now?

Many people have told me that "having a baby" the second time around is different than the first time. Initially, I'm not sure I understood what people meant. Why would it be different? It doesn't seem fair that parents should be more excited about their first child than their second child. But even through my very early experiences of preparing for our second adoption, I am beginning to see what people mean.

As first time parents we were dreamers. We "themed" and prepared the nursery months ahead of time. I spent hours researching baby gear online and reading What to Expect type blogs and books. I may not have been physically pregnant, but I definitely "nested" and was obsessed with preparing our home as best I could.

This time I have barely thought about the baby's room, much less the baby gear or baby clothes. First of all, with a toddler in the house I'm not sure when I would have the time to do that. I see now that this doesn't mean I don't "care" as much about our second child, it's just a different stage of life.

Before we had Ezra I didn't fully know what to expect or what I would need, so my way of getting ready was to prepare myself with material knowledge - baby books, trends, baby gear, nursery theme, etc. (and there's nothing wrong with that - it was all I knew to do). Through my initial parenting experience, however, I have come to realize that while the book knowledge and gear may be helpful (and fun), when your baby comes it all kind of blurs into the background. Not just because you're sleep deprived and exhausted, but also because you realize it's the baby that you were waiting for, and not necessarily the stuff.

When I look at pictures of Ezra as a small newborn I can't believe how quickly this stage of his life went by. As a new mom I was always thinking about the next stage without truly appreciating the current one. So I'd like to think that even though our second baby may not get the same amount of preliminary nesting and anticipation, what they will get is a mother who is seeking to savor and appreciate each day, each week, each month of their early life.

I look forward to continuing the journey.

 

1 Year Ago Today

One year ago today we woke up with a great deal of anticipation. Anticipation about what the day would bring... what the week would bring... how our lives were about to change.

One year ago today we went to the hospital, dressed our newborn baby boy, gave a long embrace to M {holding back the tears until my complete breakdown in the car} and brought him to his new home. It was a special day I want to preserve forever. In retrospect, I see now that I was in "auto" mode that day... so overwhelmed at the emotion, so afraid that something was going to go wrong, and just the newness of it all that I just walked through the motions, unable to fully grasp what was happening.

Everyone tells you to appreciate the moment... that your children are going to grow up so fast. I'm not sure I truly understood what that meant until now (though perhaps I will continue to learn that as I get older). I can't believe it's been a year. Ezra is walking, learning to talk, and developing his own little personality. It's like a push and pull between not wanting him to grow up but also looking forward to seeing who he becomes.

Even with all the waiting, the process and the anticipation, I'm not sure I really could have anticipated the joy that has been Ezra. Nor do I think I anticipated all the work that parenthood really is (all worth it of course). Adoption, parenthood... it's such an education journey... and on so many levels. It's humbling to think of all that Genilson and I have learned since we started the process 21 months ago... about ourselves, about family, about our relationship. And it's even more humbling to think of all the learning that's still to come.

Happy Birthday Ezra. You are a gift.

Finality

Last June, Ezra entered our hearts and became a beloved member of our family. Last Monday, March 7, what we already knew in our hearts became "official" on paper.

Early Monday morning we, along with several members of the extended family, squeezed into the judge's chambers for a very special occasion... Ezra's adoption finalization. The formality of finalization is short and sweet, but is significant all the same. We agreed to love and parent Ezra, the judge agreed that being placed in our family is in Ezra's best interest, everyone signed, Ezra gave a clap (no, really), and it was official. Yay!

Thanks for following. x

A new chapter

Clearly, motherhood has been busy! It's been months since my last post.

Ezra will be 8 months next week. 8 months... I can't believe it. He just started crawling a couple of weeks ago, and is now climbing on absolutely everything.

Ezra {7 months}

{Ezra, 6 months) / Photo Courtesy of Jeremy Maz Photography

{Ezra, 6 months} / Photo Courtesy of Jeremy Maz Photography

I had hoped I would be able to keep up with blogging over the last couple of months, but clearly the reality that I haven't blogged since September has demonstrated that perhaps the busyness of being a new mother has trumped blogging lately.

I've gone back and forth on whether to continue, or whether to stop my little blogging conversation here. After all, the "process" of adopting has practically come to a close with finalization hopefully being in a couple of weeks... but at the same time a new adventure - in fact the real adventure - of parenting, of family life, has just begun... perhaps even more so considering we're about to move back to Cambodia in April.

And I love blogging. So I'm hoping to find some more time and to renew my commitment here.

I love being a mom. I love being an adoptive mom. I also love my family, my husband, my job, my opportunities to travel. So I think it's time to expand my conversation here a bit further into my life... my international, activist, analytic, admittedly crazy life. After all, being Ezra's mom certainly correlates with these aspects of life too.

Thus, here starts a new chapter of {blessed} to adopt.

3 months

Here is our handsome little Ezra at 3 months.



Since placement we have had two post-placement visits with our dear social worker, R (same one who did our home study, which has been great), and we hope to finalize early next year. In the meantime, Ezra continues to grow (and grow and grow), and we love him more dearly every single day.

I promise {to you and to myself} that one day I will have time to blog again. x

2 months

Blogging and being a new mom at the same time has become a bit of a challenge. :) Here are some snapshots of Ezra at 2 months to hold everyone over... Isn't he the cutest? x

Friends

On Saturday my dear friends Mindy + Michelle threw us a lovely shower (owl-themed of course). Here's a peek...

Not only did we celebrate Ezra's arrival into the family, but it also eased into an intimate time to share about our adoption journey thus far. Mmmm... There's nothing like good friends to share life's joys. x

Family Shower

Captured moments from a family shower last weekend...

Mommy-hood

Being a new Mommy is exciting, wonderful, and emotionally overwhelming all at the same time. Each day I groggily wake up, make my way to the living room (hubby has early morning duty thanks to early World Cup games... thank you FIFA) and I can't believe it - we have a son, a beautiful son. We are a new family. It's real. It's happening. The wait is over. Baby Ezra is home, and we love him.

Ezra is thriving. He's a strong boy. At 2.5 weeks he can already lift his head, hold it up, and move it from side to side. He has gained a pound since birth, and eats around the clock. Small signs of a personality are already beginning to show as well - he's very expressive and pretty relaxed, but is also determined and knows what he wants.

The more I fall in love with Ezra, the more I know our experience with M at the hospital is something I will never forget. I think about it often. I just can't imagine what it would have been like had we chosen anything other than an open adoption, or had we not had the opportunity to spend such a meaningful time with Ezra and his birth family during such a crucial moment. Our time at the hospital could not have gone smoother, and we are just so grateful to have had such a positive experience. We certainly hope that the depth of those moments together (many captured on film of course) will be evident to Ezra when he looks back in years to come.

Spending time with M was a curious experience - one that I couldn't have really imagined or understood until it happened. I immediately loved her - not just because she chose us to parent Ezra or because she was trusting us with her son; but also because of her own love for Ezra, her strength, courage and determined spirit. We talked, we learned about each other, and we named our baby boy together.

My love and respect deepened for M even further when it was time to leave the hospital and take Ezra home. It's one of those feelings that perhaps needs its own name since it's so difficult to explain and no other words would do it justice.. I was so excited that we were finally taking Ezra home, and yet my heart ached for the separation that was about to take place. M was confident and gracious. She carried Ezra out of the hospital, helped me buckle him into his car seat, and they said their good-byes. We hugged and told her we'd call when we got home. Then I climbed into the drivers seat, turned on the engine and just cried.

(Thankfully, once we left the hospital parking lot we decided to pull over at a Starbucks where I could gather myself a bit before the 2 hour drive home).

Becoming a mother through adoption has allowed me to gain many insights I don't believe I would have gained any other way. Each day with Ezra is a new blessing, brings about new challenges, and allows me to learn more about myself, God, and the world in which we live. I guess that is what mommy-hood is all about. x

My hubby caught this moment of us during our afternoon nap last week (and yes, we are really sleeping).

{bliss}

© Jeremy Maz Photography

© Jeremy Maz Photography

© Jeremy Maz Photography

© Jeremy Maz Photography

© Jeremy Maz Photography

© Jak Images

© Jak Images

{Thanks to our dear friends for these sweet moments caught on camera} x

Great Day

Today at the hospital was great. We spent about 4 hours with M and Baby boy... both are very sweet and we are so pleased with how everything went.

Paperwork, relinquishment, etc. are scheduled to happen tomorrow in the early afternoon... If all goes well, our new family of three will be home tomorrow evening! Parenthood is just around the corner...

Thanks for all of the prayer and support!!! We appreciate all of the encouragement. x

Situation Update

So here's the latest. We're in a match (yay!). Baby boy was born here in Northern California on Sunday. We got "the call" from Pact yesterday evening and have since talked to birth mom on the phone. Mom (who I will call "M") and Baby are both doing well - healthy, resting, no complications. We're heading out of town and over to the hospital to spend some time with them this afternoon. They are expected to check out of the hospital Wednesday morning, and relinquishment will likely happen around that time as well.

SO... Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Nothing is final until after relinquishment and then finalization, so there are still some significant steps before this actually happens, and we of course want M to feel assured in her decision.

As you can imagine, we are a bit overwhelmed and anxious, but also SUPER excited.

Pray that everything goes well today with M - that we feel comfortable with one another, don't let our nerves overcome us, and that we are able to develop a relationship based on trust and understanding, which will be really important as Baby gets older.

I'll continue to give updates as we know more.

P.S. Several of you have left comments and somehow I've managed to delete them - I'm in a bit of a fog I guess, and didn't realize what I did until it was too late! If you can, leave them again! We love comments and would love encouragement! x

AdopTalk

Last Saturday we got up early, hopped in the car, picked up my mom and were off to Oakland for another Pact seminar... this one called "AdopTalk"... focused on talking through and helping your child(ren) process their adoption experience, preparing for questions they have about their adoption, helping them develop a positive sense of self as an adopted person, and basically just hashing through parental concerns about "saying the right thing" (if such a thing exists).

As always, Pact was great. The seminar was helpful, thought provoking, and allowed us the opportunity to understand the experiences of adoptive families already in progress. It had been a while since our last seminar, so it was also a good way to reconnect with Pact and feel reassured our adoption will indeed happen... we just have to continue practicing patience. Bringing my mom along was an extra blessing because it gave her the opportunity to meet Beth, become more familiar with Pact, and perhaps get some of her own questions answered too.

On the "waiting" front... After much careful and prayerful consideration, Genilson and I have decided to get our family profile out there a bit more and extend our adoptive circle to include an organization called Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC). This means that we will continue to work with Pact and will work with CAC at the same time (working with more than organization is actually more common in adoption than you might think).

We really think this extension will not only help get us "out there" a bit more, but actually allows us the best of both worlds as we process all that's happening.

Tracie at CAC is proving to be very committed to helping us through the adoption process as smoothly as possible, according to budget (which is of course, a must) and has lots of contacts within the Christian community of adoption, which we haven't had as much access to up to this point. So far, we have been very impressed.

As everyone knows (since I talk about it all the time), Pact is fantastic and has been a tremendous help to us in adoption education, networking, and we know they will continue to be of immeasurable help as we continue through the adoption process, through placement, and even thereafter (they are a great continued support to their adoptive families even post-placement). Pact has an extensive network with the general adoption community, especially those who have developed solid reputations over a long history of interaction with them, are committed to best practices, and supporting all members of the adoption triad.

Both organizations fit us in different ways, both organizations are committed to us, and both organizations feel they can help us as we continue to pursue our adoption plan. Who could want more?

In the meantime, we will continue to wait ...with God's help and as patiently as possible. x

Babies

As Production Not Reproduction (another adoption blogger I follow) wisely put, the way we usually celebrate Mothers Day (and Fathers Day, Valentines Day, for that matter) distinctly divides people into two categories - either you're an insider, or you're an outsider. You're a mother (father/valentine), or you're not a mother (father/valentine). If you aren't necessarily desiring to be an insider, this may not be a big deal. If you are, it's a whole different story. Personally, as someone who is currently "in-between" (though sometimes feeling inadequately in-between since I don't have the "belly" to prove it) - not quite a mother yet, but hoping and praying to be one very soon - I wasn't sure what feelings and emotions to anticipate as Mothers Day came closer.

I decided early on that I didn't want to sulk. This was much easier said than done of course - Genilson and I did have several melancholy moments on our way to a Mothers Day lunch, asking God why it hasn't happened for us yet (why? oh why?) - but I knew and was determined that I did not want to be miserable all day. I wanted to celebrate motherhood, not feel depressed about it... after all, motherhood is what I've been yearning for throughout this entire process, not something I want to feel awful about.

As I contemplated what to get my own mother and grandmother for Mothers Day this year, I extended my decision not to be gloomy by making another decision. I knew the documentary film Babies was coming out Mothers Day weekend, I knew I wanted to see it, and I figured since my mom and grandma were perhaps the best people to see it with... why not see it on Mothers Day? Yes, of course I questioned whether watching a film about babies would just make me more depressed on an already difficult day. But I decided I wouldn't let it. Instead of watching the film through the perspective that motherhood is something I don't currently have, I decided to see it from the outlook that motherhood is a blessing still to come.

I'm so thankful I did. I got to spend the afternoon enjoying and laughing at the sweetness, simplicity and hilarity that is babies with the two mothers who had a direct hand in my own upbringing. Babies is beautifully done; it celebrates motherhood in ways that no other film could, and though I maybe walked away wanting to join the community of motherhood even more than I did before (not sure that's possible, but maybe), I'm glad I chose to celebrate the beauty and mystery of motherhood on such an appropriate day to do so. x

{For those of you who haven't heard about it, Babies is a new documentary by French filmmaker Thomas Balmès who simultaneously follows four babies around the world - Namibia, Mongolia, Japan, US - starting at birth up until their first steps. It shows us that while cultures have distinctly different ways of caring for their children, "babyhood" still looks strikingly similar no matter where or who you are. Highly recommended.}

{trailer}

April Showers

Some very generous ladies from Sunrise (church) blessed us last Saturday with a lovely baby shower in preparation for our little one (no, no word yet... still waiting). Some snapshots...








{a good friend's little one... our youngest guest}



Such nice gifts (lots of yellow + green!)... hopefully baby will come along soon. x

Bill of Rights

Many may know me as a bit of a human rights "enthusiast" due to my involvement in the anti human trafficking movement. While I'm not sure about such a title, I do think it's always important to consider the fundamental rights of every person... and this certainly applies to adoption, and perhaps especially the adopted child.

As I've mentioned before, it's very important to consider the child's best interest when thinking about and considering any kind of adoption. Thanks to Pact for this great resource entitled, "A Transracially-Adopted Child's Rights".

• Every child is entitled to love and full membership in her family.
• Every child is entitled to have his culture embraced and valued.
• Every child is entitled to parents who know that this is a race conscious society.
• Every child is entitled to parents who know that she will experience life differently than they do.
• Every child is entitled to parents who are not looking to "save" him or to improve the world.
• Every child is entitled to parents who know that transracial adoption changes the family forever.
• Every child is entitled to be accepted by extended family members.
• Every child is entitled to parents who know that, if they are white, they benefit from racism.
• Every child is entitled to parents who know that they can't transmit the child's birth culture if it is not their own.
• Every child is entitled to have items at home that are made for and by people of his race.
• Every child is entitled to daily opportunities of positive experiences with his birth culture.
• Every child is entitled to build racial pride within his own home, school and neighborhood.
• Every child is entitled to have many opportunities to connect with adults of the child's race.
• Every child is entitled to parents who accept, understand and empathize with her culture.
• Every child is entitled to learn survival, problem-solving, and coping skills in a context of racial pride.
• Every child is entitled to take pride in the development of a dual identity and a multicultural/multiracial perspective on life.
• Every child is entitled to find his multiculturalism to be an asset and to conclude, "I've got the best of both worlds."

Many of these may seem "obvious" to some - but I guarantee they are not "obvious" to all, especially in practice and in everyday life.

As far as our being matched for adoption, no news yet. Please keep praying for a match soon. x

Nursery Inspiration...{hoot}

Part of the adoption waiting room is getting ready for baby, just as any expectant parent would. Nursery, baby gear, registries, you name it. It's been pretty fun.

Our nursery theme... OWLS! Colors... orange, brown, sage, teal. I've always loved owls, but inspiration for the nursery officially began with this cute little guy...



Equally inspiring was our little travel swing by Fisher Price...



And for sleep... we are honored to be using a "one-year mini crib" (something my grandma says used to be "all the rave") that belonged to my grandpa when he was a baby, and then used again by my mom, aunts, uncles, cousins... and even me! Perhaps one of its most unique features is it has wheels, and is small and light enough to fit through doorways. Great for us, since we plan on co-sleeping (at least in the same room), but will also have the option of moving the crib around the house.

Here's my hubby cleaning it up and putting it together... (isn't he the cutest?)



I even got these super cute patches on Etsy to appliqué onto the mini crib bumper I found...



I'll keep posting as the projects move along...

A car seat was at the top of our priority list, so a couple of weeks ago we got an orange and grey Chicco travel system (car seat/stroller combo that click together) on Craigslist... excellent condition, half the price...

Registries? While we'll probably hold off any showers until after we've been officially matched, the registries have officially started at BabiesRUs and MyRegistry.com. x

Romans 8:25

The waiting room of adoption consists of a lot less "doing" and a lot more faith. Faith in adoption professionals. Faith in the system. And of course, faith in God's goodness and perfect timing.

Faith can be difficult, even for the most seasoned of believers. I know it is for me. Many of us are just so control-obsessed. We want to control, or at least pretend to control, practically everything in our lives. Relinquishing control and having to depend on faith alone often makes us antsy and uncomfortable. Of course, the two of us have had to maintain faith in God in other areas of our lives - in our marriage, at work, for financial support, for ministry direction, etc. But this is a different area of our lives, and we know it's only the beginning of the patience and faith we will have to learn as parents.

Since officially entering the waiting room - only 10 days ago - I feel we've been walking around in a kind of a daze. We certainly have lots of responsibilities, lots to do. Work, house projects, errands, bills to pay. We have friends, family. But regardless of what my hands are doing, what my brain is thinking, or what my lips are saying, at least 10% of my mind (maybe more) is aware of the fact that our lives are about to change, causing me to wonder when it's all going to happen, where our baby is at that very moment, and whether anyone is currently considering us as parents for their child.

It's difficult. It's difficult because I want things to happen now. I want to know. I want to open my heart and believe that all of this is actually going to happen. I want parenthood to stop being a romantic dream, and for it to become reality in front of my very eyes.

But this isn't where the difficulty ends. It only complicates more when I realize that I need, I want to allow God to maintain control over this situation - not me. I don't know best. God knows better. I don't just want any baby, I want to be chosen by birth parents whose baby is a right match for us. And because God knows this baby intimately already, I want to trust His timing more than my own.

So there it is. The difficult balance of waiting and faith. It's overwhelming, it's exhausting, it's challenging. It's only the beginning. But it's part of the ride, and we know it's worth it. x

What's in a Word??

Those who know me in the context of my work at Chab Dai, know my obsession with using appropriate language in reference to issues surrounding social justice, child protection, human trafficking, prostitution, etc. So, of course, when we started educating ourselves about adoption and I came across articles and information about "positive adoption language" I immediately caught on to why this kind of thing is important.

Many of us don't think about it much, but the way we speak is directly correlated to the way we see and understand the world. Words don't only give facts, they convey emotion. We associate ideas, feelings and opinions with certain words, sometimes regardless of their literal meaning.

When we use language that evokes stigmatization or historical negative connotation, even if we intend no harm, our words stigmatize and give negative meaning to whatever we're talking about. In turn, this only fuels our and others' prejudices and ignorance regarding certain topics.

There are several articles, resources, etc. that have been written about using "positive adoption language" or "respectful adoption language (RAL)", and the majority of them stick to a similar lexicon, though there are some differences. As expected, these lexicons are always in motion, with new perspectives always entering the scene and causing people to think more about negative connotations attached to adoption terms throughout history.

So here's some of the recommended terminology:


We certainly don't have it "all together" so we're still working on trying to use this language as best we can. The more people use it, the more it will catch on and become a regular part of everyone's vocabulary.

Intrigued? Here are some more resources:
Adoptive Families: Positive Adoption Language
Perspectives Press: Speaking Positively
Suite 101: Positive Adoption Language

Thanks for following!