AdopTalk

Last Saturday we got up early, hopped in the car, picked up my mom and were off to Oakland for another Pact seminar... this one called "AdopTalk"... focused on talking through and helping your child(ren) process their adoption experience, preparing for questions they have about their adoption, helping them develop a positive sense of self as an adopted person, and basically just hashing through parental concerns about "saying the right thing" (if such a thing exists).

As always, Pact was great. The seminar was helpful, thought provoking, and allowed us the opportunity to understand the experiences of adoptive families already in progress. It had been a while since our last seminar, so it was also a good way to reconnect with Pact and feel reassured our adoption will indeed happen... we just have to continue practicing patience. Bringing my mom along was an extra blessing because it gave her the opportunity to meet Beth, become more familiar with Pact, and perhaps get some of her own questions answered too.

On the "waiting" front... After much careful and prayerful consideration, Genilson and I have decided to get our family profile out there a bit more and extend our adoptive circle to include an organization called Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC). This means that we will continue to work with Pact and will work with CAC at the same time (working with more than organization is actually more common in adoption than you might think).

We really think this extension will not only help get us "out there" a bit more, but actually allows us the best of both worlds as we process all that's happening.

Tracie at CAC is proving to be very committed to helping us through the adoption process as smoothly as possible, according to budget (which is of course, a must) and has lots of contacts within the Christian community of adoption, which we haven't had as much access to up to this point. So far, we have been very impressed.

As everyone knows (since I talk about it all the time), Pact is fantastic and has been a tremendous help to us in adoption education, networking, and we know they will continue to be of immeasurable help as we continue through the adoption process, through placement, and even thereafter (they are a great continued support to their adoptive families even post-placement). Pact has an extensive network with the general adoption community, especially those who have developed solid reputations over a long history of interaction with them, are committed to best practices, and supporting all members of the adoption triad.

Both organizations fit us in different ways, both organizations are committed to us, and both organizations feel they can help us as we continue to pursue our adoption plan. Who could want more?

In the meantime, we will continue to wait ...with God's help and as patiently as possible. x

Babies

As Production Not Reproduction (another adoption blogger I follow) wisely put, the way we usually celebrate Mothers Day (and Fathers Day, Valentines Day, for that matter) distinctly divides people into two categories - either you're an insider, or you're an outsider. You're a mother (father/valentine), or you're not a mother (father/valentine). If you aren't necessarily desiring to be an insider, this may not be a big deal. If you are, it's a whole different story. Personally, as someone who is currently "in-between" (though sometimes feeling inadequately in-between since I don't have the "belly" to prove it) - not quite a mother yet, but hoping and praying to be one very soon - I wasn't sure what feelings and emotions to anticipate as Mothers Day came closer.

I decided early on that I didn't want to sulk. This was much easier said than done of course - Genilson and I did have several melancholy moments on our way to a Mothers Day lunch, asking God why it hasn't happened for us yet (why? oh why?) - but I knew and was determined that I did not want to be miserable all day. I wanted to celebrate motherhood, not feel depressed about it... after all, motherhood is what I've been yearning for throughout this entire process, not something I want to feel awful about.

As I contemplated what to get my own mother and grandmother for Mothers Day this year, I extended my decision not to be gloomy by making another decision. I knew the documentary film Babies was coming out Mothers Day weekend, I knew I wanted to see it, and I figured since my mom and grandma were perhaps the best people to see it with... why not see it on Mothers Day? Yes, of course I questioned whether watching a film about babies would just make me more depressed on an already difficult day. But I decided I wouldn't let it. Instead of watching the film through the perspective that motherhood is something I don't currently have, I decided to see it from the outlook that motherhood is a blessing still to come.

I'm so thankful I did. I got to spend the afternoon enjoying and laughing at the sweetness, simplicity and hilarity that is babies with the two mothers who had a direct hand in my own upbringing. Babies is beautifully done; it celebrates motherhood in ways that no other film could, and though I maybe walked away wanting to join the community of motherhood even more than I did before (not sure that's possible, but maybe), I'm glad I chose to celebrate the beauty and mystery of motherhood on such an appropriate day to do so. x

{For those of you who haven't heard about it, Babies is a new documentary by French filmmaker Thomas Balmès who simultaneously follows four babies around the world - Namibia, Mongolia, Japan, US - starting at birth up until their first steps. It shows us that while cultures have distinctly different ways of caring for their children, "babyhood" still looks strikingly similar no matter where or who you are. Highly recommended.}

{trailer}

3 Home Study Visits... Check

That's right! Monday evening was our third and final home study visit with our social worker, R. Our visits have been really great. We've enjoyed getting to know R and telling her about our "story" (after all, who doesn't enjoy talking about themselves?), and it's also been a good opportunity to think about and discuss some of the "tough" questions (such as whether we are "open" to a baby that was exposed to drugs or alcohol during the mother's pregnancy, and what kind of "parenting techniques" we are planning on using, etc).

I have to say the entire process has been rather enlightening, and not at all what I had expected. I originally thought the visits would be somewhat awkward and stressful, especially the "walk through" inspection of the house. I also thought we would constantly feel we were "on display" having to almost "convince" the agency that we were "fit" to be parents. But it wasn't like that at all. Instead, it was just like telling a new friend a bit about where growing up, our marriage, hopes and dreams, and whatever else happened to come up. If anything, it felt like therapy - in a good way, like processing where you come from and why you are the way you are. The "walk through" is really just to check that your home is safe, not perfect. The only difference is really that there is a report (not as scary as it sounds) at the end that outlines our lives, and that the agency is in agreement that adoption is a good plan for us (also not as scary as it sounds).

So, anyway, all that to say, the process was great. We're only glad it's "over" in the sense that it means we are one step closer to baby. (!!)

With the visits now under our belts, R will work on putting together a home study report on all of the information she gathered during the visit. A draft will be sent to us to ensure all of the information is correct, we will sign and return it, and then a final copy will be sent to Pact (and eventually the state). I was expecting the whole home study process would take some time, but so far it's been actually going pretty quickly.

We're also working on getting our final draft together of the profile... hope to have some screenshots up over the next week or so.

Thanks for reading, and Merry Christmas!

1 Down, 2 to Go

Just finished our first home study appointment.

"What's a home study again?"

All states require prospective adoptive parents to participate in a "home study" prior to being approved to adopt. The process has three objectives:
1) To help educate and prepare families wanting to adopt;
2) To gather information on the adoptive family that will help the social worker match the family with the right birth family and/or child;
3) To evaluate whether a family is "fit" to take care of a new child.

The last objective is perhaps the most intimidating... how can anyone decide whether you are "fit" to parent? What if...? I think we all know deep down whether or not we will be "fit" - or perhaps better phrased - good parents. "Good" parents certainly does not equate "perfect" parents. After all, who's perfect? Do perfect parents even exist? Rest assured, as soon as we started chatting with our social worker this evening, it was clear right away that we weren't expected to be perfect... just human, and prepared for the challenges of parenting.

Contrary to what many people assume, the home study process isn't entirely about doing a "home inspection" (think Friends when Monica is frantically cleaning the apartment before their their home study even more than she usually does... if that's even possible). While the final visit does include a sort of "inspection" to ensure that the house is safe and suitable for a growing child, it's actually more about building a solid relationship with an adoptive family so their social worker can make solid recommendations regarding whether they should be able to adopt a child, and what would make a good match.

I have to admit, however, that no matter how many times people told us this - that the house didn't need to be perfect, and that it's not about how clean the house is, but more about the interviews - I couldn't help but go a little bit out of my way this afternoon to clean the house a little more than usual, give the dog a bath... oh... and make pumpkin muffins (something I never do). Genilson chuckled at me as I paced the house about 30 minutes before our social worker arrived - setting the tea out, changing my hair, asking him to change his shirt (ok, perhaps he didn't chuckle at that one)... cleaning the toilet... and then low and behold, our social worker arrives, I offer tea, coffee, muffins?... and she politely declines saying it's sweet, but not necessary. Two hours go by, and she doesn't use the bathroom either (Did I really think she'd be impressed by my super clean sink and extra hand towels anyway?)...

Oh well... the meeting went smoothly, and that's what's important. :)

Thanks for reading.

Raising a Family in Phnom Penh

"So... now that you are starting a family are you still planning on moving back to Cambodia?"

While I'm not sure people have asked this question quite as bluntly, it does seem to be a question people wonder about... Is it safe to raise a family in Cambodia? Will your child be able to go to school? Will your children have friends to play with? Is Cambodia a good place to raise a family?

The answer to these questions... at least in the context of our situation... are yes, yes and yes! In fact, we are excited about the prospect of raising our family in a country so close to our hearts. Yes, Cambodia is a developing nation. Yes, we will face challenges that may not be the case in the U.S. or Brazil. However, the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh is actually a fine place to raise a family as long as you are willing to be creative and flexible. After all, there are both benefits and challenges to living practically anywhere.

Known at one time as the "Pearl of Asia" Phnom Penh is a beautiful and charming city. Though it is perhaps crowded, dusty, plagued with many social problems, and still recovering from previous times of war, it remains home to lots of beautiful monuments, exquisite colonial french architecture, artistic studios, and quiet cafes where expats and Cambodians alike enjoy spending their afternoons with a book, a latte and a friend or two. (Photo above: The Royal Palace in Phnom Penh)

The Cambodian government welcomes humanitarian, religious and intergovernmental organizations from around the world, not to mention international businesses, allowing for a tremendously diverse community of foreigners/expats coming from countries such as the UK, Switzerland, Australia, New Zealand and the United States, most of whom reside in Phnom Penh. Because of this growing community, there are several options when it comes to educating one's children and connecting them with children of a similar age and background. In Phnom Penh alone, there are at least four international schools, all of which base their primary and secondary school curriculums on standards from nations such as the US or the UK. The school we have our eye on is Hope International School, based on the UK national curriculum, preschool up to high school, with an enrollment over 250 expat children. (Photo Courtesy of Hope School).

We are proud to be working for an organization that highly values family. Because each of our jobs in Cambodia will be somewhat flexible, we are excited about the opportunity to take an active role in our child's upbringing without a heavy dependency on outside child care. We are not sure this would be the case if living and working within the United States. We are equally excited to raise our child in an environment that, although crowded and busy, is also slow and laid back. Our child will have the opportunity to learn and grow in the midst of a very multicultural and diverse community, while still maintaining a strong identity in their roots as we travel to visit extended family in Brazil and the USA.