It's funny how things are so different the second time around. So much less intimidating. It brings me back to our first home study experience two years ago.
Here's a glimpse if you missed it:
Genilson chuckled at me as I paced the house about 30 minutes before our social worker arrived - setting the tea out, changing my hair, asking him to change his shirt (ok, perhaps he didn't chuckle at that one)... cleaning the toilet... and then low and behold, our social worker arrives. I offer tea, coffee, muffins?... and she politely declines saying it's sweet, but not necessary. Two hours go by, and she doesn't use the bathroom either (Did I really think she'd be impressed by my super clean sink and extra hand towels anyway?). (Blessed to Adopt, 26 Nov. 2009)Ha. Clearly, we had no idea what to expect. I distinctly remember taking up almost the entire day preparing for that first visit. As excited and anxious first time parents, the adoption and home study process consumed us.
This time around is a bit different. Obviously we now have Ezra, and we are in Cambodia living in a different house. We may have a different social worker, but we know that the home study process is not about appearances or how perfectly clean your house is. With our agency it's been much more about working together to assess our preparedness to care for a new child in our home than about a "test" to see whether we are "fit" for parenthood. How do you feel about the adoption? What are your hopes and dreams for the future? How has parenting differed from what you originally expected? What kind of life do you imagine for your family 5, 10 years from now?
Many people have told me that "having a baby" the second time around is different than the first time. Initially, I'm not sure I understood what people meant. Why would it be different? It doesn't seem fair that parents should be more excited about their first child than their second child. But even through my very early experiences of preparing for our second adoption, I am beginning to see what people mean.
As first time parents we were dreamers. We "themed" and prepared the nursery months ahead of time. I spent hours researching baby gear online and reading What to Expect type blogs and books. I may not have been physically pregnant, but I definitely "nested" and was obsessed with preparing our home as best I could.
This time I have barely thought about the baby's room, much less the baby gear or baby clothes. First of all, with a toddler in the house I'm not sure when I would have the time to do that. I see now that this doesn't mean I don't "care" as much about our second child, it's just a different stage of life.
Before we had Ezra I didn't fully know what to expect or what I would need, so my way of getting ready was to prepare myself with material knowledge - baby books, trends, baby gear, nursery theme, etc. (and there's nothing wrong with that - it was all I knew to do). Through my initial parenting experience, however, I have come to realize that while the book knowledge and gear may be helpful (and fun), when your baby comes it all kind of blurs into the background. Not just because you're sleep deprived and exhausted, but also because you realize it's the baby that you were waiting for, and not necessarily the stuff.
When I look at pictures of Ezra as a small newborn I can't believe how quickly this stage of his life went by. As a new mom I was always thinking about the next stage without truly appreciating the current one. So I'd like to think that even though our second baby may not get the same amount of preliminary nesting and anticipation, what they will get is a mother who is seeking to savor and appreciate each day, each week, each month of their early life.
I look forward to continuing the journey.
